


quantum entanglement

by starrytae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Exes, Flashbacks, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Science Boyfriends, renhyuck are exes turned fwb, they're all science majors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrytae/pseuds/starrytae
Summary: "Have you ever heard of quantum entanglement, Renjun? In basic terms, it's this unexplainable phenomenon when particles are so dependent and so inseparable that their quantum state can't be explained without the other. No matter how much distance is put between the two, they are so attached to one another, so connected, that you literally can't put one into words without the other... That's us. Me and you. We can't exist, fundamentally, without each other, even after all this time and space."And Renjun is quiet, so quiet it scares Donghyuck. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe this whole time he's had a different view on their relationship. Maybe it wasn't as be-all, end-all as Donghyuck felt it was, down to the god damn core of his being.But then Renjun leans back, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight, and Donghyuck feels his heart skip a beat. "You're right, that's how we are. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing, does it?"
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Side Relationships
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	quantum entanglement

**Author's Note:**

> all i can say is that i read [the cloud effect ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332461/chapters/50805937) and [lilac chaser](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518217/chapters/53808874) and i was a changed woman. if you haven't read them yet, stop reading this and go read them. renhyuck for the win.
> 
> *long sections of italics are flashbacks*
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3wweDdKsVD3SxbpmE5Ix07?si=kTwmoyxiSjGVC9I3i5wolw)  
> 

"We’ve called you here today because we have something important to discuss." Jeno is the one who does the talking. Jaemin just sits there, sipping his death-drink of espresso and coffee-bean juice. "As you already know Renjun is coming back from China this weekend.” 

Honestly, if this conversation had happened a few weeks ago, Donghyuck’s heart would’ve been in his throat by now, eyes wide, a desperate ‘ _how’s he doing’_ tumbling from his lips. Now, though, he keeps his face void of emotion as he feels his heartbeat pick up just the slightest bit. “And we were wondering, or actually, we were hoping you'd want to pick him up from the airport with us." Jaemin is still sitting there, innocently drinking from his straw, but Donghyuck knows the bastard all too well and he knows Jaemin is fully responsible for this request—Jeno is just the messenger. 

"Sorry, guys. I wish I could but I don’t really think that’s the best idea." Donghyuck is proud as his voice comes out steady and stable, his tone casual—unaffected, even—as he speaks. Jaemin narrows his eyes at him though, leaning forward, and for a brief minute Donghyuck thinks his best friend can read minds, seeing through the bullshit and about to call him out on his facade of nonchalance. 

But then he's opening his mouth as he says, "Well, it was worth a shot. Maybe it’s for the best. We didn’t exactly tell Junnie we were inviting you and I’d rather not have him tear my head off on his first day back." 

Donghyuck almost exhales in relief. That could’ve gone the opposite way and he’s relieved Jaemin hasn’t seem to have caught on. “But he is coming out with us Friday night.” And just as quickly as the relief came it’s washed away, replaced by a sinking feeling in his gut and a faint alarm blaring in the back of his head. Still, he’s proud that his only visible reaction is probably a minor facial twitch—the slight raise of an eyebrow—before he’s slipping back into his act of calm, cool collectedness. 

"You're cool with that?" Jaemin’s tone is challenging and his eyes are narrowed as he leans forward in his seat again. He _definitely_ saw that eyebrow raise. All Donghyuck can do is shrug, reaching down for his americano just to distract his mind with his own movement. 

"I mean, he was your friend before we dated. Mine too, actually. It wouldn't be fair for me to say he can't come. There were no sides, you know?” The pair sitting across from him seem surprised as he brings up the break-up for the first time in weeks, if not months. Renjun himself was brought up in conversation almost daily, but their break-up was a less than favorable subject for all parties involved. 

“I suppose you’re right,” Jaemin says, leaning back in his seat, suspicion melting from his shoulders as he leans towards Jeno once again. “Okay then, we’ll meet you at the bar around 9?” Donghyuck nods and takes a sip from his mug, hoping the bitter taste of his drink can chase down the words on the tip of his tongue before they spill over : _“this is a mistake”._

***

Newton’s first law states that if a body is moving, it will keep moving—in a straight line, at a constant speed—unless acted upon by a force.

Donghyuck’s life was just fine until Renjun came into it. He was moving slowly and steadily through the motions and out of nowhere, a boy with a sly smile and sparkling eyes and a soft soul knocked him off his trajectory and his life really hasn’t been the same since then.

He met Renjun in a philosophy class, of all places. Out of all the possibilities, all the probable paths they could’ve crossed, it wasn’t until Donghyuck stumbled into lecture Hall 331 in the science center for Philosophy of Modern Physics that he came face to face with Huang Renjun. 

The first thing he ever learned about Renjun was that he was downright stubborn _._

_“Believe it or not, sometimes you have to throw out everything you already know about science in order to learn more about it.” The kid across from him says—tone confident, head raised, voice steady as he glances over at Donghyuck._

_“For a STEM major, that doesn’t sound very reasonable of you." He can’t help but play along with the banter, coming back with quick wit and a smirk to match. The boy just smiles softly at him, his eyes shining with mirth and mischief in the fluorescent lighting of the small classroom as he leans in closer._

_“I suppose it doesn’t, does it? Good thing this is a philosophy course and not a STEM class then.”_

_“It’s philosophy of modern physics so technically, it’s still inclusive of science. Why would we need to throw out science when it’s the foundation of everything?”_

_“Because it challenges what we already know about science. We’re supposed to forget our bias and interpret things from a purely objective perspective. Besides, isn’t there some theory or principle that no matter how certain you are, you can never be more than 99.99% certain due to error? There’s always room for doubt, Donghyuck.”_

_Donghyuck is left speechless as this kid calls him by name after throwing out quantum mechanics theories, this kid who looks every bit like a pretentious trust fund kid that takes painting 101 or acting classes rather than writing physics theses or doing science labs. He can’t say anything as the boy sits back, his tongue bit between his teeth cheekily, holding back the full force of his grin (Donghyuck kind of wishes he wouldn’t, but then again, he’s not sure if he can handle it at maximum brightness)._

_That day, Renjun left the classroom with Donghyuck’s name and the first tally next to his name on their hypothetical scoreboard (the first of many tallies to come), and Donghyuck left with more questions and less answers than he had bargained for._

The first thing Donghyuck learned about Renjun was that he was stubborn to a fault—although, after getting to know him, he knows that Renjun attributes his stubbornness to his Aries sun. He would later learn a lot more about Renjun: he was an astronomy & astrophysics dual major and his goal was to work for the aerospace sector of the government after getting his PhD, he loved space and the stars and all things solar—so much so that he’d probably live in outer space if it were at all possible, he had an undeniable and undefeatable work ethic that was admirable if not a little crazy at times. Donghyuck learned all these and more, but the worst thing he learned throughout all the days-weeks-months of learning Renjun was that his arms might just be the closest thing to home that the universe has ever given Donghyuck.

* * *

The first time he sees Renjun again is like a punch to the gut that takes the air out of his lungs and tugs at his heartstrings. His hair is dark brown now, different from the soft blond it had always been, but it looks good on him. His smile is still radiant, even in the shitty bar lighting, and as he throws his head back and laughs loudly and unabashedly at something Lucas had said, his snaggletooth peeks out and catches in the light and Donghyuck’s heart jumps into his throat.

“Are you sure you’re good for this, man?” Mark asks, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “We can always ditch, I’ll tell them I wasn’t feeling well or something.”

“I’m fine. I might as well rip the bandaid off and get it over with,” he says with a sigh, taking his first steps towards the table. Renjun always did seem to have a gravitational pull that rivaled the force of a planetary system and Donghyuck was as weak to it as a simple wayward asteroid. 

“Hey guys, sorry we’re late. This one forgot to order an Uber on time,” he says lightly, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder at Mark as they approach the table. The 4 of them turn to look at him, but he feels a certain pair of eyes weighing heavier on him. 

“Thought you weren’t gonna show for a second there.” Jaemin says, shit-eating grin stretching across his face as he pushes a tequila sunrise towards Donghyuck. “I saved this one just for you.” 

Donghyuck slides into the booth beside Jaemin and Renjun stands up to let Mark slide in beside his boyfriend, Lucas, who has already had quite a few drinks if the way he melts into Mark’s side is any indication. Donghyuck can’t help it as his eyes follow Renjun as he stands up, raking over his body, trying to memorize all of the changes that had occured over the 6 months. He looked happy, healthy even. His skin was glowing, his face was full, and he looked a lot better than Donghyuck probably did. But he doesn’t blame him—in fact, it’s a weight off his shoulders. It’s a wave of relief crashing over his body and flowing through his veins, knowing that he hadn’t caused too much damage in the end. 

“Well are you gonna drink with us or not? You and Mark have a lot to catch up on,” Jaemin interrupts his train of thought, nudging the drink towards Donghyuck who’s powerless to say no. 

He glances over to Renjun to see that his own drink seems rather full and he figures they’re going to have to talk sooner or later. 

“Cheers?” He asks, holding his drink up towards Renjun as they lock eyes for the first time that night. There’s so much that lies between them unspoken, so many words that want to spill over from his lips and fill the space between them, but it all fades into one painful, striking thought as Renjun quirks his lips into a soft smile and raises his drink as well. 

“Cheers.”

_I missed you._

_***_

Their night passes in a blur of overrated pop songs and watered-down drinks. The conversation flows easily between the 6 of them and Donghyuck is relieved that in some way, on some level, he hadn’t fucked things up too badly. Renjun talks about his semester in Beijing, Mark talks about the Science Society’s schedule of events for the semester, and Jaemin fills the gaps of silence with random anecdotes and memories from previous semesters. It almost feels as if nothing had changed at all, but the distance between him and Renjun and the hesitance between every glance and gesture reminds him of just how much time has passed. 

Donghyuck tries not to drink too much, all-too aware of his lack of filter when he’s had a few too many. He can’t say the same for his friends, however, as they all appear to be in various states of inebriation ranging from Lucas, who’s absolutely gone, to Jaemin who seems to be the most sober of them all (for once). There’s an empty spot sitting across from him, though, one that’s been empty for a few minutes. 

“Where’s Junnie?” Jaemin asks, craning his neck around the crowded bar. Donghyuck lets his eyes wander as well, but there’s no sign of the other boy anywhere. “He should’ve been back by now, I thought he was just getting another drink?” He’d been gone for a decent amount of time now and it’s almost ironic that Donghyuck still feels worry itching at his skin as he stands up, putting a hand on Jaemin’s shoulder as he surveys the room one more time. 

“I’ll go look for him. I’m sure he just went to the other bar, maybe it was less busy. We’ll be back in a minute.” He starts pushing his way through the throngs of people around the dance floor, eyes sweeping over the crowd as he moves from circle to circle, but Renjun is still nowhere to be found. 

It’s not until he’s almost to the front of the bar when he sees it. 

Renjun is leaning against the bar, drink in hand, and there’s a tall guy with pale skin, black hair, and tattoos littered down his right arm standing right beside him. It freezes him in place, his feet stuck to the ground out of surprise, but more than anything, an ugly feeling of jealousy that ripples through his body as he watches the exchange. The guy just looks like the kind of guy that spends his weekends here, too comfortable with the staff around him and too used to the way the crowd moves around him. He’s the kind of guy that’s a staple in bars like this one, just looking for the next pretty face that’s had enough to drink where their inhibitions are lowered, but not enough to be out of the right frame of mind. 

Donghyuck watches with laser-focus as he reaches out and brushes his hand down Renjun’s arm lightly, laughing at something he’d said. He wishes he could say it was out of pure concern for his friend, but the way his pulse picks up and his blood rushes through his ears says otherwise. He knows, rationally, that he has no right to be mad or jealous but that does nothing to stop the anger that flows steadily through his veins as he watches the tall man lean closer and whisper something into Renjun’s ear. If Renjun made any indication that he was uncomfortable, Donghyuck would intervene in a heartbeat. But Renjun doesn’t back away, doesn’t push him away, and Donghyuck watches as he looks up at the other guy with a sly smile, the kind he used to send Donghyuck’s way, and he can’t help the sharp pain in his chest as his heart skips a beat and cracks just that much more. 

But he knows he chose this for them. He’s the only reason Renjun’s over there instead of sitting in the booth, snuggled into Donghyuck’s side like Jeno and Jaemin or Mark and Lucas. Donghyuck did this to himself, to them, and he has no one to blame for Renjun ending up in someone else’s arms but himself. So he shoots Jaemin a text that he was leaving as he made a bee-line straight for the exit because it feels suffocating and stifling in the bar and he suddenly just wants to be _alone._

He walks out the bar doors and the September night breeze is a breath of fresh air. There’s a slight wind that’s cool against his face and he feels his heart settling down as he drops down onto the curb, sitting on the sidewalk a few steps away from the bar’s entrance. He leans back on his hands, tilting his head up and taking deep breaths to calm himself and bring him back down. The sky is clear but the city lights hide the stars from view (part of Donghyuck is glad, though, because it would just be one more reminder of the boy inside).

The universe doesn’t appear to be on his side, though, as he hears footsteps approach. He expects Jaemin to drop down beside him, sling an arm around his shoulders and make a sharp quip about how he lasted longer than expected, but the voice that breaks the silence is entirely different.

"Hey I saw you on your way out here… you okay?" He tenses at the sound of Renjun’s voice and he can't help the way he folds into himself and his breath hitches in his throat as Renjun sits beside him on the curb. It’s the closest they’ve been all night and Donghyuck feels the air around them charged with an odd sort of energy as Renjun’s arm brushes against his own—a familiar gesture in unfamiliar circumstances. 

"I'm fine, Renjun. Just go back inside." There's an edge to his voice he can't hide and he can see out of his peripheral that Renjun narrows his eyes at his tone.

"What's your problem? Did I do something?” Donghyuck doesn’t want to say anything, because he knows he’s in the wrong, but Renjun’s always been one to push his point. “I thought you said you didn’t mind if I tagged along tonight but obviously that’s not the case."

"You're standing there with a guy 2 seconds from shoving his tongue down your throat and you expect me not to have a problem?" He snaps and he regrets it because if anyone can keep up with him besides Jaemin, it’s Renjun. And he might've forgotten just how well Renjun matches him beat for beat, word for word, as if they're on the same wavelength. 

"He was not 2 seconds away from shoving his tongue down my throat, thank you very much. And even if he was, what the fuck does it matter to _you?_ " And God, Donghyuck hates the way he says ‘you’, filled with venom and practically spit at him but he hates himself even more because he knows he deserves every bit of it. 

"You’re right. I have no right to be mad about it. But I am, okay? It drives me insane, seeing his hands on you, looking at your lips like I used to, probably pulling every little trick up his sleeve to try and get you to go home with him. I can’t stand it, Renjun. You can do whatever you want with him; you can talk to him, kiss him, fuck him—that's fine! I'm not some shitty, manipulative ex-boyfriend that’s trying to control you but… I just don’t want to see it or else I might lose my damn mind. So please, go back inside, do whatever you want, but don’t follow me out here and pretend you don’t know how much you still affect me.”

Renjun is quiet after his outburst, the only sounds between them are his own harsh breathing and the occasional car driving past them on the road. Renjun stays quiet as the moments seem to tick by because he _knows_ Donghyuck better than anyone. He knows when to push, but he knows just as well when to pull back, when to retreat. He’s always known when to give or when to take, and now he gives Donghyuck time to come back down because he _knows._

Once his breathing has slowed down and he feels the tidal wave of guilt and shame for his idiotic (and slightly barbaric) rant, Renjun finally speaks up. "I wasn’t, you know. Gonna kiss him... or go home with him. How could I when you're standing right in front of me". 

Donghyuck is speechless, breathless, because out of everything Renjun could say, that was the last thing he was expecting. “What do you mean?” 

Renjun just scoffs and rolls his eyes before looking back at him, locking eyes with a soft smile (the same one he used to send Donghyuck, the same one from inside the bar but even more soft, more gentle around the edges and Donghyuck remembers exactly how weak he is for this boy in moments like this, with Renjun's eyes sparkling like stars in the dim light of the streetlamps).

"You know, for a scientific genius you're a little slow on the uptake" and then he’s closing the distance between them and smashing his lips against Donghyuck’s. It lasts four seconds, maybe five before he’s pulling back and looking back at Donghyuck whose eyes are blown wide with surprise, shock, but more than anything, _want._ It’s been 6 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days since the last time he kissed Renjun and yet it still feels overwhelmingly familiar and comfortable. It still feels like coming home. 

“You still affect me too. More than you know.” He’s about to say more, but Donghyuck cuts him off, his hands reaching up to the other’s face and pulling their lips together once more. 

***

When Donghyuck wakes up in his bed the next morning, it takes him approximately 6 seconds to realize the consequences of his actions. He peeks an eye open in the early-morning sunlight and sure enough, he’s got his arms wrapped around Renjun, the other boy’s leg thrown over his torso and his head resting on his chest. He can't help but notice that Renjun looks peaceful in his sleep, eyebrows unfurled and relaxed for once. 

Memories of last night come back with striking clarity, playing over in his mind like a film reel. He remembers everything; Renjun pushing him against every wall in his apartment on the way back to his bedroom, Donghyuck’s lips sucking bruises down his neck and across his collarbones—Renjun moaning his name into his shoulder as Donghyuck fingered him open nice and slow—Renjun’s mouth wrapped around him hot and heavy and _wet_ —and more than anything the way Renjun’s tasted when he pressed soft kisses down his spine as he came apart as Donghyuck fucked into him from behind, the slight taste of salt and sweat and an underlying, undeniable taste that was inherently Renjun.

He closes his eyes, trying to get rid of the memories but that just makes them all the more clear, so he gives up and settles for glancing down at the star of the highlight reel himself as he sleeps blissfully ignorant and unaware in Donghyuck’s arms. 

He knows that any minute the illusion that the past 6 months were some convoluted alternate universe will vanish and he’ll be left with the consequences, but when Renjun lets out a small huff of breath and snuggles closer into his side, he can’t help but be selfish for a moment and fall that much deeper into the pit of memories, of them... 

_Somehow after that first philosophy of modern physics class, their banter grows into something more familiar and friendly. Their quips are still sharp as ever and Renjun still bends over backwards to disprove all of Donghyuck’s classroom contributions, but their words are less jagged._

_It doesn’t help that they begin spending time together outside of philosophy too. With Mark being president of the Science Society, Donghyuck was roped into joining and since misery loves company and he refused to suffer alone, he brought Jeno and Jaemin along with him. It benefited them, really. Mark was a pre-med track bio major, Jeno was in veterinary and biomedical studies, Jaemin was a biology major, and he himself was a dual physics and mathematics major. Being in the Science Society boosted their future resumes and they would end up thanking him later for it._

_It wasn’t until the second or third meeting of the semester that Jaemin decided to bring his new lab partner and new-found friend "Junnie". When Renjun walked through the door, flanked by two younger looking students, Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel surprised and slightly betrayed._

_“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Renjun says with a smirk towards Donghyuck._

_“Wait, you two know each other?” Jaemin asks, eyeing the two carefully._

_“We have philosophy of modern physics together on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he says curtly but still politely. Jaemin’s jaw gapes and he turns on Renjun lightning quick, bounding three steps towards him and throwing an arm around his shoulder._

_“Wait, you’re the one that’s always fucking with Donghyuck and putting him in a bad mood? Why didn’t you say anything earlier! We’re definitely soulmates now.” He whisks Renjun away, sticking his tongue out at Donghyuck as they take their seats, leaving Mark and Jeno to talk with the younger students._

_It turns out the Renjun was a double astro major—astrophysics and astronomy—and that the other two boys that accompanied him, were also science majors. Chenle was a planetary science major with an astronomy minor and Jisung was a biochem major. Mark takes a particular liking to Jisung, taking him under his wing immediately, and Chenle can’t help as he wanders from person to person, trying to learn as much about them all as he could in the 45 minute meeting._

_Weeks passed like that, with the 7 of them spending an hour every Wednesday together and soon enough, Donghyuck found that Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung had managed to seamlessly blend into their friend group which resulted in Sunday mornings at the diner and weekly study sessions in the library._

_Yet most of time, Renjun and Donghyuck found themselves studying together, alone and away from the rest of their group. It started with accidental run-ins at the library and soon turned into planned study dates. They began with the guise of being study-buddies for philosophy, but their study dates soon turned into any excuse to study together. Renjun would have an astronomy textbook in his hands and Donghyuck would have the latest issue of International Journal of Theoretical Physics pulled up on his laptop_

_Neither one of them wanted to admit it, but they were drawn to each other. Something about their dynamic was comforting. It makes sense, in a way. They were similar in all the right ways but they were still opposites in others (their philosophy class discussions proved that). It’s basic science: the electric or magnetic force that acts between oppositely charged bodies usually draws them together, and Renjun was nothing if not magnetic._

_And if Donghyuck stole glances of Renjun from over the top of his laptop, if he watched as Renjun mumbled to himself over readings and overdid it with the highlighters (he always used light blue, Donghyuck noted), if Donghyuck watched and studied Renjun more than he actually got work done, well, nobody had to know._

Renjun shifts in his sleep once more, his nose scrunching up, and Donghyuck knows from too many mornings just like this one that Renjun is exiting the dream world and returning to reality; he slips out from the bed carefully, doing his best not to jostle the boy beside him because he doesn’t know how he’ll handle it if Renjun wakes up and looks at him with that smile in the early morning sunlight. 

He throws on a T-shirt and some sweatpants on his way out the door, closing it gently behind him. He notices Mark’s keys are still gone from the hanger by the door and breathes a sigh of relief at the fact that he won't have to explain himself to his roommate. He gets to work around the kitchen on autopilot, pulling out a bunch of ingredients and getting to work on cooking. He may have fucked up colossally, but he’s not about to throw Renjun out the door the second he wakes up. His bedroom etiquette is still slightly above average, even if he hasn’t had much use for it in months. 

About 15 minutes have passed before Donghyuck hears Renjun’s footsteps, followed by the bedroom door swinging open. He looks up from the stove and he stops breathing for a second as he takes in the boy before him. His hair is slightly rucked to the right, fluffy in all the wrong places, and his eyes are still half-lidded and heavy with sleep. He’s wearing one of Donghyuck’s hoodies and not much else, and Donghyuck’s knees give a bit because his heart _wants_ but his head is on a different page. 

That’s why when Renjun rubs his eyes and pads over to sit at the kitchen bar, rubbing at his eyes with a slight frown, Donghyuck ignores the tug at his heartstrings and swallows down the immense fondness he feels towards the boy that threatens to drown him alive.

“I made us breakfast,” he says, voice heavy and filling the awkward space between them. He plates the first batch quickly, placing it in front of Renjun.

“Chocolate chip pancakes?” Renjun’s voice is gruff, sleep pulling at the edges, and Donghyuck feels himself smile wholly against his will. “You remembered?” 

“How could I forget?” Donghyuck says, watching as Renjun lights up and digs into the stack of pancakes in front of him. Donghyuck plates his own share and double checks that the stove is off before taking the seat next to him. Silence fills the room but it’s the good kind of silence, a comfortable silence. It’s not until Donghyuck has finished his breakfast and Renjun is almost done, working away at the last bits of it that he decides it’s time to pop their bubble and address the elephant in the room. 

“I don’t want to sound like a dick but last night was… it can’t happen again.” He pauses, trying to find the right words as he chances a glance at Renjun. He notices Renjun’s fork stop midway to his mouth for a moment, just a second, before he slowly continues, keeping his eyes focused on the plate in front of him and unmoving. 

“I just don’t want to mess things up right now and I know it’s selfish of me to say that after what happened but I just… I really want to keep things right between us.” It feels like a flimsy excuse, a half-truth, and that’s probably because it is. He couldn’t say last night was a mistake because it wasn’t. It was probably the only thing he’s done _right_ for himself in the past few months. He hadn’t realized the figurative black hole that Renjun had left in his life, but suddenly it felt full, whole. For once, his life felt like each piece was aligned. But last night was selfish. He was selfish to think he could have Renjun in half measures (to think he could have Renjun at all). 

Renjun doesn’t say anything for a moment. His face void of emotion—passive—and it reminds Donghyuck of just how much space and time has come between the two of them because the boy in front of him feels more like a stranger than someone who, a year ago, owned his whole heart. 

Instead of crying, instead of fighting, instead of swearing and leaving, Renjun just turns and smiles at him as he nods. “No, I get you. We got caught up in the moment. It shouldn’t happen again.” They sit in silence and Renjun eats the rest of his pancakes before making his quick escape, and Donghyuck can't help but notice that Renjun’s eyes aren’t sparkling anymore.

* * *

For the next month or so, they tiptoe around each other when they're together with their friends and it's even more awkward than it was that first night at the bar because Donghyuck remembers every moan, every kiss, every expression Renjun made and it burns him from the inside-out as he watches Renjun feed Chenle a french fry from across the table, Jisung and Jeno talking about the latest basketball game. Jaemin eyes him cautiously as if he can sense the turmoil going on in his mind, but lucky for him, Jaemin seems to let it go as Mark and Lucas join them, sliding into the last two spots at the table. 

Things carry on like that—awkward, but not impossible—until the beginning of October. The leaves are falling, midterms are around the corner, and despite the busy schedules of every student, the Science Society is having some sort of mid-semester event. His friends all look on warily as Mr. Moon, the Science Society academic advisor, announces the project groups, placing Mark, Donghyuck, and Renjun in charge of fundraising. Donghyuck doesn’t have the heart to tell his favorite professor that he and Renjun had broken up months ago and weren’t exactly on the best terms and based on the tight-lipped smile that Renjun shoots his way, it looks like they’re in agreement. 

That is exactly how the three of them end up crowded in the living room of Mark and Donghyuck’s apartment on a Thursday night. There’s an empty pizza box on the kitchen counter and they’re each nursing a bottle of soju as they work on a Google Doc together brainstorming ideas with Haikyuu playing on the TV as background noise. 

It’s not until 9 pm, a solid hour after they’ve been at it, that Mark swears and stands up, phone in hand and concern etched across his features. 

“I’m really sorry, guys, but I gotta run. Yukehi’s roommate Guanheng just texted me and said that he’s running a fever and he’s being a big baby about taking medicine. I better go make sure he’s ok and see if I can’t get him to take fever reducer and sweat it out.” Leave it to Mark and his pre-med ass to go running to his boyfriend’s care at 8 o’clock on a Thursday night. (Donghyuck really thinks it’s sweet, though he’d never admit that). 

“No worries dude. We’ll keep working on it and if we don’t finish it, we can just meet up sometime next week and tie up the loose ends,” Donghyuck says, glancing over at Renjun to gauge his reaction. Just like the last time they were alone, Renjun keeps his face carefully neutral as Mark looks around for his keys. That’s the thing about Renjun that Donghyuck could never quite understand. He could be an open book, his face a story of his feelings and in the next second he could be blank-faced and impassive, with no emotions or trace of feeling left. It’s a conscious choice, he knows, one that Renjun makes when he trusts someone and wants to be open and honest with them (or when he’s uncomfortable and trying to hide his true feelings for fear of being hurt or judged).

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Mark says, though he’s already shrugging into a hoodie and pocketing his keys. “I feel like such a dick but you know how Xuxi can be.” Before Donghyuck can speak, Renjun beats him to it. 

“You’re just being a good boyfriend Mark, that’s not a dick move at all. Go take care of Yukhei, we’ve got this under control.” He shoots Mark a soft smile and Donghyuck feels his heart drop a bit in his chest when the word _boyfriend_ leaves Renjun’s lips. It goes unspoken that a year ago, if the situation was reversed, Donghyuck would have dropped anything and everything to take care of Renjun and vice versa. It’s funny how times can change. 

Mark has one foot out the door already, but he turns around and shoots them a grateful smile. “I owe you both, so much. I promise I’ll make it up to you!” And with that he closes the door behind him, leaving Renjun and Donghyuck alone with the glow from the TV and their respective laptops. 

“Well,” Renjun says, turning to Donghyuck and cracking his fingers. “We better keep working. You up for it?”

Donghyuck nods and just like that, they settle back into a comfortable rhythm, working on the fundraising event and nursing their bottles of Soju with Haikyuu playing quietly in the background. 

***

When Donghyuck finally looks at the clock, it’s 11 o’clock at night. It’s not terribly late, but they had only arranged to work on the event until 10 o’clock. Donghyuck glances over at Renjun and sees the tiredness weighing heavily on his eyes, the circles under his eyes even more obvious in the luminescent glare from his computer screen. They’d had to put in extra time since Mark had bowed out early and they were just rounding out the corners of the project. Still, Donghyuck felt bad that Renjun was obviously tired and had been working hard (harder than Donghyuck, even) for the better part of 3 hours after a full day of classes no less. 

He shoves his laptop away from him, standing up with a sigh and stretching, hearing the satisfying pop-and-crunch of his bones shifting back into place after being held hostage for so long. “It’s pretty late, Injun. Why don’t you just stay the night?”

It isn’t until Renjun’s typing pauses and he’s looking up at Donghyuck wide-eyed that Donghyuck realizes his slip of the tongue. He hasn’t called Renjun by that nickname since before he’d left for Beijing, and he can’t help the way he winces and recoils at the realization. “I mean…you can stay if you want to, Renjun.” The correction lays heavy between them—noticeable, tangible—and Donghyuck hates the tension it creates between the two of them in the blink of an eye.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Renjun says, standing up and stretching, the nickname forgotten (or at the very least, ignored, Donghyuck can take a hint). They pack up their supplies in silence and Renjun wordlessly follows Donghyuck into his room. The memories from the last time Renjun was in this room a few weeks ago come flooding back as he takes in the sight of Renjun in his room, remembering the way the moonlight had illuminated every square inch of the room, including Renjun. Before Donghyuck can get too in his head, he hands Renjun an old T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and he watches as Renjun slips into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

They’d spent so many nights and so many days in Donghyuck’s room and over the past few months, Donghyuck had tried to bury the memories as deep as they could go. But seeing Renjun in his room, having Renjun in his bed, it brings the memories to the forefront of his mind like ocean waves crashing against the shore. He remembers days where they never left the bed, their legs tangled together messily, hands intertwined and clasped together, and the day passed by with soft kisses and even softer laughter before night came out and settled over them. Donghyuck hates the way his heart hammers against his ribcage as the memory resurfaces, hates the way his body wants to hold Renjun like that again, to feel their limbs tangled together and their heartbeats echoing each other.

“Uh, the sweatpants are a little big,” he whips around and he almost chokes on air at the sight. Renjun has an old T-shirt of his on, but the collar is stretched out from years of wear-and-tear and his collarbones are peeking out from the top of it. Other than the shirt, he doesn’t seem to be wearing anything else, much like the morning after the bar. All Donghyuck can see are legs before he’s flicking his eyes back up to Renjun’s face, hoping he didn’t notice his reaction. “I hope you don’t mind I kind of just left them on the counter.”

“Oh, uh, of course not. Whatever you’re comfortable in.” Donghyuck turns his eyes away from Renjun, scratching the back of his neck as he feels his cheeks heat up. “Well, make yourself at home. I’ll be on the couch if you need me.” He grabs a pillow off his bed and starts making his way out the door when Renjun grabs his arm, stopping him and holding him in place. 

“If you think I’m about to let you sleep on the couch, you’re more of an idiot than I thought.” There's no bite to his words, just a teasing smile on his lips.

“I just want you to be comfortable. It’s my fault you’re here so late, it’s the least I can do.”

“Donghyuck, you’ve literally seen me naked. How many times have we slept together, figuratively and literally? Sharing a bed isn’t gonna be a problem.” Donghyuck chances a glance over at Renjun eye-to-eye and all he sees is honesty. He sighs but he knows he’s lost the argument before it even began (as per usual when it comes to all things Renjun), so he throws the pillow back on the bed with a slight roll of his eyes and gestures for Renjun to make himself comfortable. He watches as Renjun brightens up like the sun, a grin stretching over his lips as he jumps on the bed with light laughter. He watches, too, as Renjun fluffs up the pillows before leaning back, sprawling his limbs over the bed and aiming a smirk at Donghyuck. His heart aches in his chest. “Well? Are you gonna join me?“

Donghyuck climbs in after him, acutely aware of every inch where their skin is touching as he settles in on the other side of the bed, trying to keep an appropriate distance. “See? We’re both in bed and the world didn’t end. Like I said, not a problem.”

“Easy for you to say,” Donghyuck says breathlessly, staring up at the ceiling. Renjun just chuckles softly, turning onto his side like he always does with a soft whispered “goodnight”. But tonight, he turns away from Donghyuck unlike every other time they’ve laid together and it reminds Donghyuck that even though he’s only a few inches away, there’s so much distance that lays between the two. 

He can’t help it as memories of their relationship flicker through his mind one-by-one, like some sort of carousel of the past, going around slowly and slowly in a never-ending circle. Pictures of Renjun’s smile over the top of his chai tea lattes, the way his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and the way he traced his lips with those damned blue highlighters, and more than anything, his starlight smile and supernova eyes. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Renjun’s voice breaks the silence of the night and Donghyuck’s breath hitches in his throat as the boy next to him turns over, his eyes peering through the midnight and meeting his. He doesn’t know how many minutes or hours have passed, but it’s clear Renjun hasn’t slept either. “What’s keeping you up?” 

“I could say the same for you, you haven’t been asleep either.”

“The only thing keeping me up is you,” Renjun says teasingly. “You know, you have this habit of fidgeting your feet when your mind wanders. I’ve never minded it, really, but it is a little distracting.” 

He had no idea. He wonders just how much Renjun knows about him, has learned about him and studied him like he has with Renjun. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. What’s up, though? What’s on your mind?” 

“Nothing important. Just… thinking.” 

“Well I got that much, dummy. What are you thinking about?” 

Donghyuck should’ve known he’d back himself into a corner. Renjun’s always been the only one that’s always one-step ahead of him, one second smarter. But he can’t find it in him to lie, either, so he says nothing. The silence speaks more than words ever could, though, and he knows he’s caught when Renjun darts his eyes away. 

“Fuck Renjun, I’m sorry—”

“I’m not.” His voice is quiet in the dark, blending in with the night so easily it almost gets lost, but not to Donghyuck. “I’m not sorry. Not for the first time, not for last time, and not for this time.” Before he can even ask what that means, he feels Renjun lean forward and press his lips softly against his.

Kissing Renjun is always like coming up for air after being underwater a second too long. Every thought melts away and all he has is this, right here, and he can’t hold himself back as he surges forward, reaching a hand up to cup Renjun’s cheek and hold him that much closer. Renjun presses into him, their bodies brushing and Donghyuck’s body wants to be closer so badly it hurts _._

“God, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do that,” Renjun says lightly when they break apart, their foreheads pressed against each other. When Donghyuck doesn’t say anything he just leans back, his eyebrows narrowed, searching Donghyuck’s eyes for answers. “I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? I really should’ve asked, I just assumed that—

“Shut up and kiss me again.” His hands travel down, grabbing Renjun’s hips as he rolls on his back, Renjun’s weight fallin on him as they’re pressed up against one another. “Please.” 

The first time they fucked, it was rough and raw and everything Donghyuck wanted to say for the past 6 months but couldn't. It was 6 months of regret, of loneliness, of _missing renjun_ jammed into way too finite of a time frame. Donghyuck can still hear the way Renjun’s voice broke as he fucked him from behind until he was crying into the pillow and leaking all over his sheets.

This time is different. He lays Renjun down in his bed and takes him apart, piece by piece. He starts with his lips because Renjun’s gravitational pull is unbelievable and Donghyuck has always been weak. Each kiss sears into the corners of Donghyuck’s mind and the depths of his heart until he can feel it burn all the way down to his fingertips. 

Renjun’s moaning into the kiss, gasping everytime Donghyuck licks into his mouth, takes control and traces along his bottom lip or runs his tongue just over the roof of his mouth like he knows he loves. Once his lips are sore, tired, and Renjun’s moans are sufficiently loud, he trails down to the soft skin of his neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down the delicate skin like a trail of stardust after meteor showers. 

It’s not until he’s biting and sucking a bruise that Renjun’s hands come up and tangle in his hair, nails scratching at his scalp and tugging at his nape, the body below him arching against his and it sets him on _fire._ He takes a moment to pull back, looking at the bloom of red and purple mottled on his skin and he takes the time to wrap his hands around Renjun’s thighs, pulling him closer and Renjun’s breath hitches in his throat with a gasp.

Donghyuck kisses his thighs, litters them with the lightest touches and teasing fingernails skimming over the skin in a barely-there way, accompanied by light butterfly kisses. The sighs that tumble from Renjun’s lips are heaven on earth. 

"Have you ever heard of quantum entanglement, Renjun?" Donghyuck asks, pulling away from the other boy’s thighs, eyes zeroing back in on the red-purple bruise that’s blooming across the delicate skin of his neck. A soft, high-pitched whine leaves Renjun’s lips at the loss of contact, but Donghyuck ignores it in favor of grabbing his cheek and turning him to lock eyes. 

Renjun huffs in frustration, leaning into the touch and giving in to Donghyuck’s question. "I’m drawing a bit of a blank so no, you might have to explain it to me." 

"In basic terms, it's this unexplainable phenomenon when particles are so dependent and so inseparable that their quantum state can't be explained without the other. No matter how much distance is put between the two, they are so attached to one another, so connected, that you literally can't put one into words without the other."

"I love science as much as the next nerd in our friend group, but science-talk isn’t exactly turning me on, here." Donghyuck watches as Renjun rolls his eyes and he can’t help the shot of fondness that starts in his heart and trails through his veins and settles over every inch of his body. 

"No, I mean... that's us. Me and you. We’re so dependent on one another. We can't exist, fundamentally, without each other, even after all this fucking time and space."

And renjun is quiet, so quiet it scares Donghyuck. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe this whole time he's had a different view on their relationship, maybe his feelings had been stronger. Maybe it wasn't as be-all, end-all as Donghyuck felt it was, down to the god damn core of his being.

But then Renjun leans back, his eyes twinkling in the moon light as they meet Donghyuck’s. "You're right. That's how we are. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing, does it?" 

And it sparks a flicker of hope in Donghyuck's chest and that's so fucking dangerous because this—tearing open his chest and locking his feelings away everytime he sees Renjun; swallowing every " _I missed you_ " that chokes him and forces his heartbeat to stop when Renjun’s eyes twinkle like the Milky Way, the same way they are now; holding himself back, literally, from reaching out and grabbing Renjun’s hand at dinner and twining their fingers together like they used to—is getting harder and harder and Donghyuck doesn't consider himself weak but he'd fall on his knees for Renjun if he so much as breathed the word _please_ in his direction.

But Donghyuck can think about all of that later. He pushes down his thoughts and pushes away his heart once more as he leans down, lips connecting with Renjun’s, hand teasing at his waist in a familiar pattern and Renjun breaks the kiss with a soft-spoken “fuck” that sets Donghyuck’s veins on fire. 

* * *

This time when Donghyuck wakes up, he doesn’t feel the rise of panic or the swirling thoughts of how they ended up here. He wakes up slowly, and he realizes that his arms are wrapped around Renjun, his chest pressed against Renjun's back and their legs tangled together. He can feel each breath from the body in front of him and he tries to match each breath, evening out his breathing and keeping him calm.

He lets his eyes flutter shut once more, pressing his face between Renjun's shoulder blades and matching his breathing. He wishes he could stay in this moment just a little while longer, one where Renjun is still his...

_It wasn’t until a few weeks of friendly banter and study dates that it happened. They were sitting in the coffeeshop about 4 blocks outside of campus. It was Renjun’s favorite place for their study sessions, ever so fond of their chai tea lattes and the high table by the window when the sun is setting and the warmth filters in (in all honesty Donghyuck didn't care for the place—the coffee was too sweet and too expensive—but the way Renjun smiled as he sipped his chai tea lattes on sunny afternoons made it worth it)._

_They’d been dancing around each other for weeks by that point. It was like the build-up to the bridge of a song—stolen glances and pinkies brushing as they walked side-by-side, pink cheeks and flushed faces disguised by smiles and laughter. Donghyuck knew what they had was a little more different, a little more special than what would constitute a friendship. It was like all these feelings were slowly bubbling to the surface, so it shouldn't have surprised him when they were sitting in the cafe on a chilly October afternoon, the autumn sun falling and painting Renjun in a soft light that made him seem more radiant and warm than usual, that the words slipped out of his mouth._

_"Be mine."_

_It slips out without much thought, but instead of panic gripping his heart, he feels it settle for once. Renjun shifts in his seat, turning to look at him with wide eyes, his hands clutching the mug of chai tea in his hands so hard his knuckles are turning white._

_"What?"_

_“Date me. Be my boyfriend. Be mine.” He repeats himself calmly, steadily, but he feels like he’s vibrating on the inside. “I like you, despite your inability to concede in an argument and overall stubbornness, and I was really hoping you would be willing to give me a chance. Give this a chance.”_

_Renjun takes another sip of his tea, pretending to mull it over, but the way his eyes light up and the small upturned corners of his lips give it away. “Alright, I guess I could give you a chance. I’ll date you, Lee Donghyuck.”_

“Good morning.” He’s broken out of his reverie by Renjun’s sleep-heavy voice, the body in his arms wiggling back into him and getting more comfortable. He chuckles at that, indulging himself for just one more moment and wrapping his arms tighter around Renjun, burying his face in the crook of his neck and pressing a feather-soft kiss over the bruise there. 

“Good morning.”

“So, pancakes?” Renjun turns around, soft smile pulling at his lips and his snaggletooth peeking out just the slightest bit. Donghyuck shoves him away and the other lets out a full-bodied laugh, rolling away from Donghyuck. 

“You’re lucky we just went grocery shopping. Come on.” When Renjun throws on Donghyuck’s old T-shirt and walks out to the kitchen, making himself at home at the counter and settling into the same seat as last time, Donghyuck lets himself take the moment in one more time before he has to face reality. Renjun turns to him, head propped on his hand, leaning on the counter, and he directs a Cheshire grin towards him and Donghyuck is so incredibly fond. 

***

Again, they don’t talk about it. Things aren’t as awkward, aren’t as tense as before so at least that's a slight improvement, but it hardly counts. It’s a little difficult to purposefully ignore someone when you’re busy thinking about how they sound, look, feel, _taste_. There are awkward pauses in conversations, gaps where they never used to be, and for some reason Renjun avoids their bi-weekly group study sessions like the plague. The line between then and now, dream and reality, is starting to blur for Donghyuck and he can feel if everytime Renjun sits in front of him at the diner and he finds himself itching to reach out and hold his hand across the table. 

So yeah, things could be better.

He should’ve known that Jaemin would confront him at some point. Jaemin corners him in his and Mark’s apartment one night during a Mario-Kart night with Lucas and his friends. Jaemin doesn’t even wait for the game night to officially start—once the console had been fired up, he’d shoved Donghyuck into his own room and locked the door. Jaemin was many things, but patient was not one of them. “Things have been really weird with you and Junnie lately,” he says, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or are you going to keep being an asshole?” 

“There’s nothing going on.” That’s a half-truth, and Jaemin can sense it. He levels him with a look, unimpressed. “I swear, we’re fine.” Now that’s a complete lie and they both know it. He runs a hand through his hair, huffing in frustration before trying again. "Look, we’re not exactly friends but we’re fine. We get along, we still hang out with the group. I don’t know what you expect from me here.”

“Are you serious?” Jaemin looks at him incredulously and Donghyuck knows there’s more to it than just the tension int heir friend group. Jaemin sees his confusion and shakes his head, pushing off the door and coming to sit next to Donghyuck on the bed. “Dude, half the time we’re together you’re either avoiding looking at him as if your life depends on it or you’re looking at him with that lovesick look on your face when you think nobody else is looking.”

“I do not have a lovesick look.”

“You do! And you use it all the fucking time when you think nobody’s watching. But you must’ve forgotten that me, your best friend, is always watching. So, are you gonna tell me what’s up or do I have to go to Renjun?”

“No!” Donghyuck can’t help the outburst and it sounds guilty even to his ears. “Don’t go to Renjun, just...” he throws himself back on the bed, eyes closing, and tries to think back to how he even got in this mess in the first place. He feels the bed dip beside him as Jaemin joins him, and he hears his best friend sigh before he feels a hand grabbing his, a silent gesture of encouragement. “I know you guys never really asked about what happened, and I appreciated it, but you all at least know that things ended pretty badly between us. It’s just hard navigating a friendship when you’re trying to ignore all that history that’s staring you in the face.”

“Yeah, breaking up with him at the airport right before he left for his internship program in China might not have been the best timing. But hey, like I said, that’s between you and him. He never told me why, though. He said he doesn’t know.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice that he fucked up. It seems like that’s the only thing he can do consistently. “Look, I want to make up for it," he turns over to look at Jaemin, finding him staring right back. “But it’s probably going to take a while for us to get there.” 

“Donghyuck… why _did_ you break up with him?” He opens his mouth to explain, to throw another excuse out there, to say _anything_ but the truth, but Jaemin cuts him off. “I know what you’re going to say: you had to. That’s what you always say, but that’s not what I’m asking. I mean why did you break up with him when it’s obvious you’re still so gone for him?”

And well, Donghyuck doesn’t have a good answer for that. He knows the answer, truthfully, but he’s too scared to say it out loud, too ashamed to admit the biggest mistake he’s ever made. But in a lot of ways, it wasn’t a mistake.

Part of the reason he was so enamored with Renjun was because he felt like they were on the same wavelength. They were opposites, sure, but they were like Phobos and Deimos—always orbiting the same planet, always on the same page with the same purpose. But it became clear that Renjun wasn’t in sync with him. Renjun was on a different wavelength entirely, and Donghyuck had been a fool for thinking he could touch the sun and not get burnt. 

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything. He just rolls over and burrows his face into Jaemin’s chest, throwing an arm around his waist and holding close, letting out a long, drawn-out whine. Jaemin sighs but wraps his arms around Donghyuck anyway and lets silence fill the space between. He knows the conversation isn’t over, though. Nothing about him and Renjun is really ever over.

* * *

They should know better than to think it won’t happen again. As the saying goes—once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three times is a pattern. So when Renjun asks for a ride home after a Science Society meeting that ends with him shoving Donghyuck into the backseat of his car and giving him the blowjob of his life, they really can’t avoid it anymore. 

Donghyuck is tucking himself back into his jeans, about to return the favor, but Renjun is already climbing back into the front seat of the car and gathering his things. 

“Wait, Renjun,” he grabs Renjun’s arm before he can swing the passenger door open. “What does this make us, then?” Donghyuck asks. Renjun looks down at where Donghyuck’s hand is still holding him steady in place, scared he’s going to bolt the second he lets go. The conversation is scary for both of them but Donghyuck is tired of playing every gesture, every word, every _look_ over and over in his head trying to figure out where they stand.

“I’m ok with this, I guess,” he says, looking back up at Donghyuck as he peels his hand away.

“Ok but what is _this_?” 

“Do we really need to label it? Fine, fuck buddies. Friends with benefits. Whatever you wanna call it, it works.” Renjun has half his body out the door, one foot on the pavement, when Donghyuck speaks up. 

“Don’t we have to be friends for that to work?” Donghyuck is half-joking, half-serious as he says it, but Renjun lets out a hollow laugh before he climbs out of the passenger seat, shouldering his backpack as he leans down on level with the window and meets Donghyuck’s eyes. 

“You and I both know we were never just friends. Don’t try and start now.” And well, he’s not entirely wrong. Donghyuck can’t get a word in before Renjun is turning and walking towards his apartment complex. 

They both should know better than this. It’s basic quantum mechanics, really—how likely they are to fall into the same old patterns, the same old behaviors, (the same old feelings, though Donghyuck supposes those never went away).

Scientific particles are guided by wave functions. They govern the probability that you will find the particle in a certain configuration. Without experimentation and measurement, there is no way to know what configuration the particle will end up in but you can still make a pretty educated guess. It's the same with them—it's not certain they're doomed but all the signs point to yes.

But who is Donghyuck to stop the inevitable? Being “just friends” with Renjun was never in the cards—not then and certainly not now. If he’s going to get his heart broken again, he might as well touch the stars and chase the sun and get a taste of the galaxy that is Huang Renjun. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, please let me know if you liked this. this was my first time writing renhyuck so—how can i improve? did you like this or was it not the best? honest opinions appreciated :] 
> 
> Part 2 coming soon! 
> 
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